yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
