you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
