Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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