I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
