that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
