i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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