we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
