You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
