Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
