i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to align my fucking chakras
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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