Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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