well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
