His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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