I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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