C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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