He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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