last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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