hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
