I wanna passion pit in your ass
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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