my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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