My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
