Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
