i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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