spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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