Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
