I want to stick my p in your. b.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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