Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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