New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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