yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
