a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
