Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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