Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
