there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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