I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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