Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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