Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize