I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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