if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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