Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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