Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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