I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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