She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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