Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
