I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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