Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
