Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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