proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
