my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
