just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
