This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
