it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
