one two three fourrrrnication!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That accounts for only three of the penises
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize