she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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