Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
