he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
