Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
