last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
