I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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