Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
