I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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