I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Blow job season was short but glorious.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
