Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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