Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
