The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
and you fell through a lawn chair
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
