Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you win again, gameday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize